1 year 9 months

1 year and 9 months. It has been this long since I found out I lost my sweet Emalyn. You would think that it would be easier after this amount of time, but it’s not. There have been several days lately that have been particularly hard for reasons that I’m not quite sure. Most days I am just fine but others I can’t help but think about the memories of that dreadful day. I replay them over and over in my head. Is there anything I could have done differently? Would things be different if I noticed decreased movement sooner?  The day I lost her, I knew something wasn’t right. I had decreased movement most of the morning. People told me I was just being paranoid, but I knew in my heart that it wasn’t the case. Mother’s intuition I suppose. I would give anything to have my sweet girl with me. I watch her twin sister, Grace, and I can’t help but think about what it would be like to have two of her running around. My arms ache to hold Emalyn so so much. Occasionally, I will go into Grace’s room at night and hold her while she sleeps and just think of what it would be like if I could hold my Emalyn in my arms just one more time. I feel like there is a hole in my heart that can never be filled. A piece of me will always be missing. I wish I could turn back time and hold her in that hospital room just a little bit longer. I wish I would’ve taken pictures of her regardless of how she may have looked. I wish I didn’t have to live the rest of my life without my little girl. I know she will live on in my sweet Gracie and I thank the Lord every day that he allowed Gracie to stay with us.

Amber Wagner

President and Co-Founder

Brandon WagnerComment